Ok guys, it’s story time again! Today’s story is from my dating life. Get ready for face-palming!
About 2 years ago I met a girl who I thought was cute. We’ll call her Kate. I asked Kate out, took her to diner, and had what I thought was a great time. At the end of the date I drop her off (without trying anything too forward) and say, “I had a great night. We should do this again.” To which she responds, “Yeah, me too.”
Apparently “Yeah, me too,” is girl code for “Please don’t ever talk to me again and if you try asking me out on more dates I will make up excuses to not be able to go.” Because that is what she did for the next month. This is a problem I’ve posted about before. Annoying, right?
So anyway, after like the 4th or 5th weekend in a row of her “being with her family” or “having to study” or “attending a basket-weaving convention”, I finally got the hint. I know, took me long enough, right?
So just imagine my surprise when about a month after this she texts me asking if I can give her a ride to a hair-salon. Well, being the super-nice-and-forgiving guy that I am (and not being great at making up excuses like her) I agree. On the drive there we have a great conversation, and when I drop her off I mention, “We ought to hang out more,” to which she replies, “Yeah for sure!”
Apparently “Yeah, for sure!” is another girl code for, “Never in a million years will I ever hang out with you voluntarily.”
But, I’m not a total idiot, so I leave the ball in her court, telling her to text me. I figure that if she does end up changing her mind, she has my number. So I drop it and wait.
Then, a few weeks later, my roommate gets a girlfriend. And I’ll tell you, there’s nothing quite like having a roommate constantly cuddling with his girlfriend to remind you how single you are. So I get desperate and text Kate. I say, “Hey, I was just wondering if I’m ever going to get that second date we talked about?” Does that sound too pushy? I didn’t think so, but apparently she did. Her response was this:
Are you kidding me?????
I don’t know how many of you have seen Pitch Perfect, but at the time, I hadn’t, although I had heard the reference. So I messaged back, “Is that a no?” to which she responds, “Something like that.”
At this point, I am so disgusted with her tactless behavior that I basically want to take a vow of celibacy. Looking back, I really wish I had responded with something witty like, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you like girls. My bad.” But I didn’t, and eventually I just had to get over her rudeness.
This is where the story gets really good.
Several months later I get a text message from Kate asking if i have a racquetball racket that she could borrow. Umm… no. I don’t. Realizing how she is totally using me, I politely respond that I don’t have one, and then promptly delete her number.
About 3 months after that I get a text from someone asking me if I have some speakers they could borrow for a party they are throwing. A party I’m not invited to. I’ll give you 3 guesses for who it was. Yup! Kate.
Now, flash forward a year. That’s right, a whole year. Flash forward all the way to last month. I get a mysterious text message inviting me to some sort of muffin-themed Martin Luther King Jr. Day party. Muffin Luther King Jr was the title I think. Anyway I don’t know who it is, and I’m not available anyway, so I ignore the text.
The day of the party the same number texts me, asking if I have an AppleTV they could borrow for the party. Here are the exact words: “Hey! Do you have an Apple TV I could borrow for tonight? You will be rewarded with muffins and a back rub :)”
Now I’m really confused.
“Sorry I don’t… Who is this?”
Oh. My. Gosh.
I tried to politely say no, but I wanted to give her a piece of my mind so badly. Fortunately I withheld the very poignant words that I had in mind and simply said that I didn’t have one, and that I wouldn’t be attending the party.
If she had simply told me that she wasn’t interested in going out, I wouldn’t have cared. I would have thought, “Oh well.” and moved on. But because she dragged it on and didn’t even have the guts to say “No thank you” but instead said, “Lesbehonest”, she will forever be that girl I use as my example of how annoying it is when people aren’t honest.
Please, ladies, PLEASE. Don’t be that girl.