Ok, ladies, listen up, because I’m laying down the law. There is something that (most of) you do that REALLY needs to stop.
Saying that you will go out with a guy, then always being “too busy” to actually go.
I recently posted about my perfect woman, which lead to a great conversation about this topic with some friends. I’ve talked to a lot of friends about this, and I’ve heard all of the excuses you could possibly give as to why you think this is an okay way of dealing with things, rather than just telling him the truth. You don’t want to be insensitive. (or) It’s too hard telling a boy no. (or) You really are just busy all day, every day, every week. (or) It’s awkward turning someone down.
GET OVER IT.
Here’s the truth of the matter: you agreeing to go out with us, then having excuses for why you can’t ever actually go, is just dragging us along. Boys are like dumb puppies. If you give us even a glimmer of hope, we will cling to it desperately, deluding ourselves into thinking that you really are just busy and eventually you will go out with us.
If you really are trying to spare a boy his feelings, tell him the truth. Telling us, “Hey, I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested. But thank you” is 100000 times better. We will be crushed for about 30 minutes because we built up the courage to approach you at all, and then had the self-control to make a comprehensible series of words come out of our mouths, only to have our efforts be in vain, but that’s a whole lot better than putting in weeks or months of work and getting nowhere.
I should add this caveat, however: in my opinion, you should always give a boy a first date. 99% of the time, you should say yes to the first date (unless he’s genuinely a stalker. or your cousin). Go, have fun, be kind, and then at the end if you still aren’t feeling it, then politely let him know how you are feeling. For all the crap men get over not sharing our feelings enough, this is one area where the girls are really bad at it.
Now, for the men: you need to be GENTLEMEN. When a girl turns you down, don’t go ballistic or freak out. Accept that she gave you a first date, she didn’t feel the attraction, and move on with your lives. Got it? Good.
Can you even imagine how much easier the dating world would be if everyone did this? Oh HALLELUJAH, it’d be a nearly perfect world. (And THIS STORY would never have happened. If you want to feel better about your dating life, check it out.)