I have a lot of very supportive, loving people in my life. I have my parents, my grandparents, my four sisters, my friends, extended family members… the list goes on and on. The great thing about supportive, loving people is that they want you to always be happy. The bad thing about supportive, loving people is that they think they know how to make you happy.
I’m not complaining about these people I have in my life. Not at all. But there is one little area of “help” that they offer that starts getting really old really fast:
Being set up on dates.
I’m 23. I’m at a point where most of my friends, siblings, and cousins are all getting into serious relationships, and many are married! For those of you who don’t know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (commonly known as LDS, or Mormons), and in the LDS culture people tend to get married a bit younger than the societal average. So a lot of my LDS friends and family members are trying really hard to set me up.
Currently I’m single, but I go on dates all the time. I usually go on a date every week. I meet girls at school, at church, in my apartment complex, from mutual friends, etc, and when I think they are cute/fun I ask them out. It’s pretty simple. We go on a cheap but fun date, and if I’m feeling it I’ll ask her on a second, third, and so on. Now so far, there have been 2 outcomes: either I loose interest and so stop asking the girl out, or she looses interest and stops saying yes. Nothing too earth-shattering yet, right?
So, here I am, single. And this is where the problem of being set up arises.
Let me stop here to say this: I have no problem being introduced to someone if we have things in common, or if the person introducing us knows us both well and thinks we would get along. My problem is the mindset of people who basically say this: You’re both single, and you’re opposite genders. You should date.
Obviously no one ever says it in those words, but I can’t tell you how many people have told me, “Oh, I want to set you up with _________. You’d be perfect together” (insert my friend, my cousin, my roommate, a girl from my church, etc) I ask them why they think we would work as a couple. Their answer is almost always, “She’s so fun,” or “She’s so cute,” or, the worst thing you can ever hear about someone you’r being set up with: “She’s so nice.”
***Just so you know girls, us guys know that if you are describing your friend, and the first thing you say about them is “She’s so nice,” she is probably not super attractive. Of course nice girls can be pretty, but when you say “nice” or “sweet” first, it’s a huge red-flag for us.
So, to all the great friends and family who want to set me up with someone: Perfect! I’d love to meet them. Just as long as we are clear that being a single girl isn’t the only qualification to setting me up with someone. Actually have a reason to set us up. Believe it or not, I’m looking for more than someone who breathes and has ovaries.
UPDATE: If you still want to set me up, check out my new post about my “perfect woman”.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Agree to Disagree.”
The TJ Blog 
Don’t give up on set ups altogether. That’s how I met my husband of, yikes, nearly 20 years! I get it though.
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I love this post, it’s so funny, still meaningful. I had gone through the same thing, until I met my boyfriend a few months ago, so I can understand your situation. The funny thing is that we met accidentally, when nobody was trying to set us up :)
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Don’t forget the problem of having friends who are single… “Why don’t you and ______ go out??? You are PERFECT for each other!!” Oh really, relative who has met him twice for a total of five minutes? He’s my friend and all, but if I were dating him you’d probably be encouraging me to break it off immediately.
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i have that problem ALL THE TIME. i have several good friends who are single girls, and i’m always being told we should date.
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Everyone is hitting the nail on the head lol im converting and already have the questions of “when do you see yourself getting married” card #thestruggle
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I think dating is hard full stop! haha
https://worldlyaddiction.wordpress.com/
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You are in Taiwan, 23 and not yet married? Good lord, you are approaching the expiration age! And any good friend would certainly set you up! ;) When I was 22 or 23 and in (mainland) China, random strangers began conversations with, how old are you? Do you have a boyfriend? I can introduce someone!
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Haha im not in taiwan im in the usa.
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Hmm don’t know why I remembered you being in Taiwan. Then there is no excuse! lol
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haaha.. what a world we live in! over my corner any respectable girl wouldn’t dare to date or if she is, then tell her family that she is dating ,unless the couple is very serious and want to marry.even then,its a chance factor that they would be happily accepted.(heavily depends on the family outlook) and oh,the neighborhood aunties and some old fashioned relatives wouldn’t leave gossiping that its a ‘love marriage’.
but yes,sentiment to set someone up is still the same,its just that they dont tell to to go on dates,they simply start searching for the groom. :P
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I know your pain. I myself have been set up for the sole reason of you guys are both single, now date. It gets extremely awkward going on a date with someone that you have nothing in common with. But I still say yes every time because you never know.
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I love it! Lol
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thanks!
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just wait it keeps going, when you get your girlfriend it will be when are you getting married, when are you having kids, when are you having more kids, are you having more kids? Your being honest, I like it.
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Quite the cynic there TJ :) Great read … good luck out there … oh – I have a great girl … no wait – you heard that already today huh? ;)
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Once you’ve found that special someone, the hassling will just shift to “so when are you proposing/getting married??” 😬
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And then “so when will you be having kids?”. I get married in six months and I’m already getting that one.
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Okay I got the hint! Subtle, to be sure :) Have you seen this? Kind of like a fellow blogger, I guess. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865619596/How-I-lost-and-regained-my-fait h-LDS-man-shares-18-lessons-he-learned.html?pg=all Some really good things though.
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Wait until people stop trying to set you up TJ. Then you will know that you are in real trouble! :)
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Yes! I agree with everything! I’m not religious – I’m Catholic but not observant – and I’m 22 and single for around 1 year and a half and all my friends are in relationships. They continue to try to practically throw me in random boys’ arms and continue to mention that i’m single. They don’t understand the fact that I’m fine being single, I feel great and I’m not looking for a relationship unless I meet someone that really impress me. And that has not happened yet. They don’t do it in a mean way but it still hurts :)
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Mormans date? I thought they just drew names out of a hat.
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hahaha nice! of course we date! and i know its a common misconception, so just in case you were wondering, we only have one wife :)
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