Cooking with TJ

As I’ve explored the wonderful blogosphere, I’ve come across many impressive food blogs, such as Kale Studios, Emerging Adult Eats, and Earthen Love. Seeing these blogs and reading their amazing recipes has inspired me to share some of my own recipes and cooking tips. Over the years I’ve perfected my cooking skills for some of my favorite dishes, which I believe you will find beneficial. So, without further ado, please enjoy the following recipes and tips.

Michelina’s frozen meals

These are my most common dinners. They are fast, cheap and easy.

Steps to prepare:

1. Open the corner of the package slightly. Tip: You do not need to try to separate the lid from the actual carton. Just go ahead and rip the whole thing.
2. Place in center of microwave. Set timer for 3 minutes, but take meal out when there are :23 seconds left. This will give you an optimal temperature that cooks thoroughly, but doesn’t burn your mouth. The reason to press 3 minutes and take it out with :23 seconds is because it’s faster than pressing 2:37. Way too much effort there.
3. Remove the lid. Be careful of the steam!
4. Using a fourchette (commonly referred to as a fork), mix the sauce with the meal’s base (i.e. noodles, rice, pasta, etc)
5. Enjoy your perfectly microwaved meal. Tip: if you are in denial of your extreme laziness or the fact that you cook for one every night, pour the meal onto a real dinner plate instead of eating from the paper tray. It will make you feel like you are eating an actual real meal for actual real humans!
6. Repeat as necessary. Seriously these meals are pretty small so you might need to eat a couple to fill you up.

Cinnamon Roll Waffles

This recipe changed my life. It requires exactly 2 things: Pillsbury or other brand raw cinnamon rolls, and a waffle maker.

What is the best part of cinnamon rolls? They are more addictive than crack and taste way better. I think. What is the worst part? Taking the time to heat the oven, bake the darn things, wait for them to cool, and add the icing before serving them. This solves that problem. There is only one step.

1. Put cinnamon rolls on the waffle maker and bake them.

This takes about 3 minutes tops, and adds approximately 5 pounds of fat a week to your gut.

(WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT IF YOU ARE PRONE TO ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS LIKE BITTING YOUR NAILS OR CORRECTING GRAMMAR ON FACEBOOK. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO STOP EATING THESE)

Popcorn

This is another microwave favorite. Please note that actual directions will vary depending on whether or not you are a college student who lives in an apartment with a cheap, weak microwave or if you have an actual, properly functioning microwave. I am the former.

1. Remove popcorn pouch from the plastic wrap. Don’t be the lazy roommate that everyone hates who just leaves the plastic on the counter. Take half a second and toss the plastic in the trash you lazy bum.
2. Place popcorn in center of microwave. Set timer for 3 minutes. Remove popcorn with :49 seconds left on the timer. (For reason why, see step 2 of Michelina’s frozen dinners)
3. Open the popcorn by grabbing the bag by opposite corners and pulling gently. Because if you rip the bag and it falls all over the floor everyone at movie night is going to be pissed. Trust me.
4. Pour the popcorn into a large bowl. Don’t just eat it out of the bag like an animal. Nobody wants that. You have to avoid the side of the bag because its wet from the oil, and only one person’s hand can fit in there at a time, and it’s really just a big mess. Don’t do it.

Thank you for joining me today. I’m so thrilled to have been able to share my favorite meals and cooking tips with you. Be sure to follow my blog to get updates. Join me next time when I will share my secret for the most effective way to make a breakfast milk-shake!